Pregnancy is a time that is filled with life changing events, it is exciting and tumultuous – it is somewhat like a hormonal roller coaster. During this time, many aspects of our life take a new twist, like the sense of taste, smell and even sexuality. How will we deal with all of these physiological changes and the emotions our body is going through during pregnancy, and how will we still manage to maintain a satisfying and pleasurable sex life?
Saying goodbye to concerns and learning facts
First, let us straighten up a few things and dissipate some myths: having sex during pregnancy will not harm your fetus. Many of us think that vaginal penetration may harm the fetus in uterus, however this is a false assumption. Our bodies are built so that the fetus will be safe in the uterus, thanks to the cervix and the mucus plug. Therefore, it is possible to still maintain a healthy sex life. Thus, unless the medical staff that accompanies you during your pregnancy instructs you not to have sex due to health reasons, there is no reason that you should withhold this satisfaction from yourself and your partner.
The First Trimester
It is very likely that during your first trimester of pregnancy you will be weaker, extremely tired and may even suffer from nausea. Therefore, it is reasonable for your sexual desire to decrease during this time. These are completely normal feelings and are not indicative of any sexual problem. Your body is busy creating a new life and your hormones are going wild! But, if not now, then when?
If your partner is having trouble digesting the changes you are going through, you should share with him and explain to him what is happening to you and to your body so that he will not feel as an outsider because of your pregnancy or draw the wrong conclusions (that you are no longer attracted to him, etc.). If you feel like you need more support, don’t be embarrassed to admit it and ask your partner to be with you and next to you. The physical effects of the early stages of pregnancy may not be pleasant (vomiting, etc.), but for most women, by the end of the first trimester these symptoms stop and the body begins to experience new feelings, a sense of growth and euphoria.
The Second Trimester
Now you are feeling that the storm has passed. You have new energy that is filling you and your sexual desire may increase, all thanks to your body’s hormonal activities during pregnancy. Many women admit that their orgasms during pregnancy are stronger and more frequent than they have ever experienced before (Yesss!). If the sensitivity of your breasts was a disadvantage to you during the first trimester, now you may be feeling the exact opposite and you may enjoy their touch. This can definitely be a sense of sexual arousal which you were not familiar with, and you should celebrate it. At the same time, it is possible that the exact opposite is happening to your partner. As your belly begins to protrude, there are men who may flinch from having sex with their partners because they fear they may harm the pregnancy. In this case, it is best to talk with each other, read him this text so that he knows that nothing bad will happen to the fetus during sex and he will learn that having sex during pregnancy is pleasurable.
The Third Trimester
Health wise, unless you received any special instructions, you can continue to have sex like normal, but practically speaking it can be difficult for you and your partner to find a comfortable position since your splendid stomach is protruding and he cannot be on top. If this is your preferred position, you will need to find other positions (spooning or “doggy style” are mostly the favorites). If you are adventurous by nature, then this “challenge” may only ignite interesting and creative sex.
Every woman feels different during pregnancy. There are women whose sexual desire remains exactly the way it was before and there are women whose sexual desire changes – either increases or decreases. Try not to judge yourself and accept the changes with understanding.
Sex after Childbirth
A study that was conducted in 2013 by the Mudroch Institute in Australia and was published in the leading journal called International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, checked more than 1,500 couples who just gave birth. The study found that 41% of new mothers waited up to six weeks before having sex again; 78% waited 12 weeks after birth and 94% of the women were sexually active again approximately six months after birth.
Today, the overwhelming recommendation by the medical community is to wait six weeks and until the first gynecological exam where the gynecologist can ensure that the woman’s body is healthy and fit as it was before the birth, a period which is known as post-partum. During these six weeks, it is recommended not to have sex because the woman’s body is changing and healing (if it needs to heal, for example, stitches, etc.). If you were not able to wait until the physical examination by the doctor, it is recommended to use a condom to prevent any possible infections. If there is pain when you are having sex, stop and wait to have sex until after the physical examination by the doctor. If the doctor’s post- partum examination is normal, you can have sex normally.
There are women who return to have a normal sex life quickly after birth and there are women for whom the physical and emotional burden that a new baby brings decreases the sexual desire. If you are part of the latter group, you are not alone. Many women do not have any sexual desire when they are tired and blurry eyed, they mostly need more hours of sleep and help. Share your feelings with members of your household. Ask for help to take care of the baby if you feel the need, speak with your spouse about distributing tasks at home, and remember that this is only a phase in your life and it will end. If you feel lonely and you do not know how to approach your partner in these matters, seek professional consultation with a nurse at the infant welfare center or even with your family doctor.
